Still Life; Under the apple tree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still Life; Under the apple tree in the shadows.

36" x 48"

Mixed Medium on Paper

I did this painting/drawing yesterday, you know how I felt? 

I felt terrified.  I realize that every time I begin something artistic, it feels like jumping in to the deep end of a dark pool without swimming skills.  I resist and I am scared, every time!!! (Especially when there are longer periods between each dive.)  In the moments of creating I have seconds of joy, bliss, peace and other moments full of faithlessness, fear, self-loathing, and mostly the darkness of the unknown.  Yes, perhaps it's like I jumped in to the very deep dark water with a small flashlight on my head that as I spin downward, uncertain I will come up, my headlight flashes for moments and I see something, but it is still unknown.  When I do find my way back up, I am tired and then I begin the 'assessing' of what I saw or didn't see and how were my swimming skills?  The doubt that I should ever try again, the feeling of not really liking what I pulled up?  Wanting to throw it away as unvaluable and replace it with the more familiar.  

But......I will have patience.  I will honor my curiosity with courage-and fucking jump again.

Strictly Learning

1. My first oil painting since high school and my second oil painting in my whole life! Pretty ridiculous!
Remember my last post and I claimed "outsider" as my proper title.

2. This is where Melora stopped me for "putting on the eyelashes" before I had blocked in enough painting. Which I stamped my feet at because as you can see below, the "eyelashes" were some of the best parts of the still life. I think there are two types of people those that save the best for last on their plate, and those that gobble up the best first. Guess which one I am?

3. "the eyelashes"

The Still life
(I like this photo much more then the painting)

My beautiful set up in Melora's Barn

I just finished my first "oil painting" class with Melora Kuhn. She is a GREAT teacher (and GREAT artist), and I am tough student. For the same reasons I always have been a tough student-I want
to learn "my way", I want to have fun and like what I'm making too. Which don't always line up with learning new things. I am in class to learn traditional methods of oil painting, so I think for next week I need to try following her suggestions with less balking. Melora is very refined and considerate in her painting techniques, which are so beautiful to observe. (The
way she sets up a pallet, the easel and table, the lighting, the layout of the subject) What she tried to impress on me as I left class today, was to consider these paintings and still life's as exercises in learning a new vocabulary-that it was less important that I like the final painting, and instead immerse myself in the learning. I think that was what I needed to hear, next week I want to bring that attitude to the canvas and surrender to the experience of learning something I may not like, be good at, or have fun doing. Sound fun!

(Melora punching the holes into the can for the paint to fall through when we're cleaning the brushes, I liked this!)

Beginner=Not so Still Life

(The first painting on this post is a high school still life I painted age 16 w/ the notorious berries you will read about below, and the second still life shown is my first "real painting" at age 8)

Much of my new years resolutions have to do with being a willing beginner.
So, I've happily signed up for two workshops this spring being taught by two amazingly talented artist friends Melora Kuhn, and Maureen Cummins (which I've included below in case your interested). I am also actively working on a new project, and I mean NEW! I have been working on illustrating a fairy tale I wrote this fall. I decided to just do it, despite my belief that I couldn't because "that's not what I do". The part of me that decides I can't do something has everything to do with fear that I won't be good, because I don't always trust in "my way" as being valid in its difference to others or what I've seen already accepted as good..but every time I have allowed myself the freedom to try something "my way" I have fun and my work expands. To better describe "my way"-it means full of messiness, plenty of mistakes, lots of exploration, and a stubborn ambitious attitude till I get to a good place.
One of the workshops I'm taking is Oil Painting, which is really funny because I am a painter. However, I have actually never learned officially how to paint. (I have only taken 1 full year of college-so far!). I don't know how to traditionally mix oils-I don't know the rules...which the only thing I really like about rules is breaking them. Growing up I knew I loved making art-but somehow I didn't think I would be an artist, and definitely not a painter...in fact I didn't even like painting. I didn't like painting because my only experience was a still life in high school-which was sooooo boring and technical. I remember after I was almost finished painting the painting, I just decided to screw it and paint over the branches and just add the berries all over the canvas as I opened and closed my eyes and looked at them. My teacher walked over, and she said with a half grin" Well Dawn, actually I think you may just be a painter" which I laughed at and rolled my eyes because she knew how much I disliked it. That is the same experience I had in my first still life painting, I made when I was 8. It was my first "real painting" on canvas, and I started off trying to paint what I saw, but then I decided to paint outside the lines, and lastly I took my finger and smudged the straight line.
I don't know exactly why I want to take the painting class, since I'm not a fan of still life's. I think its mostly because I want to learn about oil paints, and perhaps its to repeat my history with formal technique as a beginner but with a new sense of artistic self worth.
Beginner=Not so Still Life

Below are the two workshop descriptions and I think there may still be some spaces open?

Dear Poets, Writers, and other Creative Souls,

I'm offering a weekend workshop, Printing for Poets (see enclosed flier) that I taught for years in the city. Students learn how to design, print and bind a simple chapbook. It's fun, dirty hard work and everyone leaves with their own limited edition of poetry, prose or found text.

Class size is extremely limited and spots will be filled on a first-come, first-serve basis.

Please feel free to pass on my email to others who may be interested.

Many thanks,

Maureen Cummins

3 Church Lane

High Falls, NY 12440

845-687-9125

www.maureencummins.com

Dear friends,

Happy new year! May this one be filled with love, health and prosperity.
In this neighborhood, I am teaching two classes leading into the spring, so come take one!

Enter as a complete beginner, or brush up on your skills.

Introduction to Drawing:
10 Saturdays, Febuary 5-April 19 9am-12pm, $250
Lessons in measurement and proportion, perspective, contour, shading, texture and composition, using pencil, charcoal, contate crayon, ink wash and pen.

Introduction to Oil Painting:
10 Saturdays, Febuary 5-April 19 1pm-5pm, $320
Lessons in stretching and preparation of canvas, color mixing and theory, composition and arrangement, and the use of different mediums and glazing.
Both classes will work from observation; still life and clothed model.

Spread the word. Raise the lanterns. Satisfy that urge you've always had... let me know soon, the space is filling fast...

Big hugs,
Melora

CONTACT: melora.kuhn@gmail.com
(518) 537.5378

Pink Bouquet

Pink Bouquet
12" x 12"
Acrylic on Canvas

Pink Geraniums With The Window

Pink Geraniums With The Window
11" x 14"
Acrylic on Canvas

Snapdragons

Snap Dragons 12" x 12" Acrylic on Canvas

This is the last of the beautiful bouquet, but that only gives me reason to by myself more flowers! As much as I dislike canvas, I do like the acrylics. Its really interesting to watch the variance of the same bouquet but with different mediums and surfaces. With this one I painted the sides of the canvas too, which I don't show in the picture, but it gives it a 3D quality which is really fun!
I can't wait to get more flowers!

Flowers This Morning

Flowers This Morning
14" x 17"
Mixed Medium on Paper

I love love these flowers!!! Today I was reminded of the exercise I did earlier this spring, repeating tomato's, its so good for me to practice looking at the same living thing with fresh eyes, you always see more, and feel differently each day.

Flowers

Flowers

11" x 17"

Mixed Medium on Paper

I have completely fallen in love with these flowers, I went to the farm market yesterday, and couldn't leave without wrapping my arms around these beauties, it was love at first site! I honestly couldn't wait to wake up this morning to see these gorgeous things again! I think I will try doing a little sketch/painting of these for the next couple days, I am so enraptured, and captivated! Love, love love!

Flowers in front of my flowers!