Aesthetic Arrest

Two new paintings in their first draft, each are currently 4' x 8' but anything can happen still

Holy-Be-Jesus its been a while!!!

Alas, my studio is heated and this week I began again.  (When I die my story may be titled 'The always beginning story' rather then the never ending story! How many times do I begin again?)

These past months I have been driving through the changing seasons and absorbing the nuances of the cycle.  Now we have arrived at the death-beige ground with wet black tree smudges and strikes and cold lavender skies.  I want to paint.  I want to paint beauty for beauty.

I began.

I marveled at the gushing movement of myself and the paint, watching its tricks.  After my first layers I was overcome by emotion.  Pure emotion gushing out of me in tears and laughter, what would best be described as hysteria, if you we're there, I looked as you can imagine, like a crazy-pants-artist...it just came out and out and then passed through.  Creative energy is powerful and intense. It feels good to give myself the opening again, the sacred place of a studio, the painting to hold it.....

Painting is so different then making objects or things, at least it is to me.  My painting is a physical dance with a material that can become anything, I want it to be everything at once and nothing more then paint at the same time.  Looking at my beginning paintings I thought: "How about a tree, an outline, a place, a person, a meaning, a story, an idea, all of these and nothing."  When it has all of that and still is nothing more then materials, materials that stop you in aesthetic arrest because they are beautiful, that's when it is complete.  Its such an intense journey because you do not know what it looks like until you are there.  It is a humbling process.  For myself, painting is not trying to prove something, show something, or educate someone, I am there to discover something.

In hot pursuit (of not knowing)

Untitled, Red 2013 Ink on Paper 8.5" x 11"

Untitled 2013, Plastic, Acrylic, Wood 24" x 24"

Untitled Yellow & Gold Formations 2013 Plastic, Acrylic, String, Wood

Same as above

1st painting

I love the work I am doing in my studio-there is a lot happening and at certain points everything seems far away from each other.  But then I find that regardless of the medium there is commonality and a quest underway...an untitled quest.  

I read by chance today a little note about Don Quixote about the Knights Quest, "it is hopeless and fearless, it is based solely in fulfilling his purpose."  The purpose lies outside of right or wrong, succeeding or failing,  it is his hearts purpose (now I am paraphrasing as I don't have the bit in front of me..) Anyways, I related with that as an artist, as a person, as a truth seeker.  I feel compelled to pursue something deep within me, something instinctual, something which I do not yet know or recognize....but I do feel fear and hope, perhaps that is what I should lay down.  To become fearless with fear.  To be hopeless.  To be.  To follow the lead of my spirit in to my unknown purpose. 

I am reading Sylvia Plaths journals right now.  There is something so special about reading the truth that was not intended to be read by others, its here you find the similarity, where we share our secret shame.  One of the passages I relate so much to (it feels like she wrote my mind) is:  

"There are times when a feeling of expectancy comes to me, as if something is there, beneath the surface of my understanding, waiting for me to grasp it.  It is the same tantalizing sensation when you almost remember a name, but don't quite reach it.  I can feel it when I think of human beings, of hints of evolution suggested by the removal of wisdom teeth, the narrowing of the jaw no longer needed to chew roughage as it was accustomed to; the gradual disappearance of hair from the human body; the adjustment of the human eye to the fine print, the swift, colored motion of the twentieth century.  The feeling comes, vague and nebulous, when I consider the prolonged adolscence of our species, the rites of marriage and deaths; all the primitive barbaric ceremonies streamlined to modern times.  Almost, I think, the unreasoning, bestial purity at best.  Oh, something is there, waiting for me.  Perhaps someday revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke.  And then I'll laugh.  And then I'll know what life is."

I will be posting more work soon-I have lots to show and tell.  But also, this weekend I have and opening Saturday at the Hudson Opera House.  I am in a very exciting group show with a few amazing contemporary artists.  To name just one: Melora Kuhn! I hope you all can come! 

OF LIGHT AND DARK: Five Artists in Contrast - Exhibition Opening

Hudson Opera House

327 Warren Street, Hudson, New York

SATURDAY MARCH 30TH, from 6 to 8 pm.

DAWN BREEZE
MELORA KUHN
KATE STERLIN
KAHN & SELESNICK
DOUG CLOW

and special guest DJ GIO!!!! will spin for the night.

Abstract Painting w/Fabric & Hand Made Paper

 

Untitled 

16" x 22" (I think, perhaps bigger??)

Acrylic, Graphite, Handmade Linen Paper, Muslin, Pastel

I am amazed by the amount of time and effort it is taking me to make a small painting that appears so simple. I do think the scale is difficult being smallish, it feels like being inside a pen and your trying to get full expansion of your wings, but the walls keep your breath short. I wonder are they all going to take this long, or need so much work?  I'm not sure if its that I havn't been painting in so long or that something is trying to emerge...or I don't know?  I also think that there is something in the way I create that demands learning all over again with every single painting.  I don't have a routine or a "go to bag of tricks" or a theme-like portraits. Its funny because a friend and painter said to me "you paint abstract so it must be so much easier with so much freedom" but I disagree or it depends on how you define easy?  Easy yes because I paint freely but its very difficult to go forward without knowing where your going and when your ending vs. a plotted out painting.  Maybe one day each of these paintings will become a part of the "formula" and it will be easy to paint....maybe?
 By the way if you havn't seen the Gerhard Richter movie you should, he is an inspiration!

Just thought I would entice you

I am finishing a painting that I AM LOVING!  I thought I would share a little niblet-perhaps I will be done with it tomorrow???  Its big....

Painting Detail

Work in process

This painting was the one you saw me working on outside a couple weeks ago with a big furry brown spider.  Its finished now.  It's aprox 4.5' x 5'

I went to an exciting workshop yesterday at Double Edge Theater.  It was a two hour "intensive" open training session, which basically meant a physical training session with the theater ensemble.  I had no idea what to expect, I wanted to participate in a physical art and wanted to try something that would be uncomfortable and a stretch for my body and mind.  It was a success in both those categories!  Basically it was an intense physical and psychological "follow the leader" moving and improvising with about 50 people in a barn.  FUN!
I also went because I have been developing a piece in my mind since November that has started to look more like a dance performance with multiple people in it.....something for the future:)

One of the things a member asked me was if I was a dancer and my answer was , "NO, but I did dance for 14 years of my life."  He responded: "Sounds like your a dancer then."  I wondered why I said no?  Is it because in order for me to be a "dancer" I need to be a ballet dancer, or dance 5 days a week, or be on a playbill?  Hmmm......It took me until I was 27yrs old to say I was an artist, it's funny how hesitant I am to claim all of me and all that I love to do. 

I took artist Gretchen Kelly to see the installation it was almost a black and white day.

I am working again in the studio (and out of the studio too!)  I think I am on to something all though I'm not sure what that is yet, and everything seems a bit awkward, which I believe is a good sign.  I thought I would share some pictures of work in process...this may change a lot still, right now its breathing and I will check it out tomorrow....

This is aprox. 4.5feet  x 7.5feet

Detail